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For the longest time, I thought belonging meant being accepted. Being liked. Being understood. So I twisted myself into versions that made people comfortable quieter, softer, agreeable. I wore masks I didn’t know were masks, spoke in voices I didn’t recognize as not mine, and smiled when I felt like screaming.
They called it fitting in.
I now call it self-abandonment.
The Cost of Belonging
No one warns you about the slow erosion of self that happens when you spend your life trying to belong everywhere but to yourself. You start by compromising once wearing something you hate because it’s “cool.” You laugh at a joke that hurts because everyone else is laughing. You stay silent in a room that insults your soul because speaking up feels unsafe.
Bit by bit, you forget the sound of your own voice. You become fluent in other people’s expectations, while your own truth gathers dust in a corner you’ve ignored.
And then one day, you wake up and realize:
You’ve built a life on performance, not presence.
The Breaking Point
For me, the breaking point wasn’t loud it was quiet. A kind of numbness that settled into my chest. I couldn’t tell who I was anymore. Not because I was lost, but because I had never truly been found. I had spent so long chasing acceptance that I forgot to accept myself.
That’s when the journey began.
Unlearning the Lie
I had to unlearn the lie that I needed to earn love.
That I needed to be more of this and less of that.
That my worth was in my doing not my being.
Unlearning is hard. It’s uncomfortable. It feels like grief because it is. You grieve the versions of you that were created to survive. But survival is not the same as living.
I started asking myself honest questions:
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What do I want not what they want for me?
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Who am I when no one’s watching?
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What parts of me have I silenced out of fear?
It wasn’t overnight. It wasn’t pretty. But slowly, I began to hear myself again. A whisper at first then a roar.
Finding Myself Again
I stopped asking, “Where do I belong?” and started asking, “Do I belong to myself?”
I said no when I used to say yes.
I spoke up even when my voice trembled.
I walked away from people who only loved the version of me that served them.
And in that process, I found a kind of peace I had never known. Not because everyone accepted me, but because I finally did.
Belonging Starts Within
We live in a world that praises blending in but true freedom is found in standing out. Not for attention, but for truth.
You don’t need to be more like them. You need to be more like you.
So here’s what I know now:
Belonging doesn’t come from fitting in. It comes from coming home to yourself.
And once you do that, the rest will fall into place. Or fall away. Either way, you’ll be free.
