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So you want to be a tech lead. You want the influence, the LinkedIn title, and the power to say things like "We should rethink the architecture" without touching a single line of code. Congratulations. You're on the right path.
Becoming a tech lead without writing code or making eye contact is an art. And like all arts, it requires commitment, confidence, and a well-maintained illusion of productivity. Here’s how to do it.
Master the Phrase “Let’s Circle Back”
When someone brings up a problem in a meeting, resist the urge to contribute a solution. Instead, say “Let’s circle back on that.” You’ve just postponed responsibility indefinitely and sounded professional doing it.
Fill Your Calendar with Back-to-Back Meetings
A true tech lead avoids code by having no time to write it. Book yourself solid with sprint planning, backlog grooming, stakeholder updates, and 1-on-1s. When someone asks for help debugging, just say you’re “heading into another call.”
Approve Pull Requests Without Looking
As a tech lead, your job is to unblock people. So approve pull requests instantly. Don’t read them. Trust your team. If anything breaks, you’ll just say, “This is a good learning opportunity for everyone.”
Speak Exclusively in Buzzwords
Use phrases like “We need to increase velocity,” “This doesn’t scale,” or “We need to take a more strategic approach.” Nobody will question you because nobody knows exactly what you mean—including you.
Be Mysteriously Unavailable During Deployments
When deployment starts, disappear. No explanation needed. If the team succeeds, great leadership. If it fails, you were conveniently not part of it.
Use Slack Reactions as Communication
Why reply to messages when a thumbs-up reaction does the job? Efficient, vague, and completely devoid of accountability.
Avoid Eye Contact at All Costs
Whether in-person or on Zoom, always look just to the side of the camera. Staring directly at people builds too much trust. A distant gaze maintains your leadership mystique and discourages difficult questions.
Reality Check
Being a tech lead is not about dodging responsibility, skipping code, or hiding behind vague language. It’s about trust, visibility, mentorship, and stepping in when things get hard.
You don’t have to write code all day, but you do need to understand it. You don’t need to talk constantly, but you do need to communicate clearly. You don’t have to be the smartest in the room, but you do need to show up.
Be serious. Real leadership requires presence, not avoidance.
